it starts with expectations,

the ones that cripple you with goals and wishes that become burdensome and grow cancerous,

expectations which you internalize as your esteem, and externalize as your reality,

so nothing ever feels good enough without your presence or attendance,

approval sought in every solo adventure or social circle,

in all the school alleys that reconstructed your class lenses,

The audience you seek approval from seek their own audiences for approval Even when you are whole, a few things…

…It’s THAT love you can never have again That warmth of maternal comfort and security That nonjudgmental reception of your shameful experiences…